"Since I am cute for a dark girl let me go bath in the sun and char some more!"
That one time this gorgeous man told me I was cute to be a dark girl *insert eyes rolling*. Those very words were immediately unflattering because he insinuated that cute dark girls are uncommon. So me being expressive, I immediately asked him what does that mean. I stood there looking at him, as he seemed to be taken aback due to the ladies always giggling in his presence, I waited for his response. He stuttered and said "it's rare to see cute dark girls." As I clutched my pearls, I took a deep breath and began to let my educated vernacular carry the conversation.
In today's society, we all have some type of insecurity but being dark isn't mine. That conversation quickly became a lesson for him on how to compliment a woman of color. By dark skinned I asked him did he mean since my features are so strong, is my personality stronger? Did my boldness intimidate him and that was his way of softening me up? Everything about me is big, my smile, my personality, my nose, my lips and even my thighs! It is not okay to tell me that I am cute for any tent of color.
This was not the first time someone told me I was cute for a dark girl, but it was the LAST time I would simply smile and nod. In the past I would say nothing because I didn't want to come off as the "strong black girl that always had something to say" or "the black girl with an attitude." However, I needed to speak against what I have been passive about in other experiences when talking about my dark skin. This specific compliment has never made me feel good.
Though I understand the distain for darker complexion females dates back to slavery, I will not let someone think they are directly flattering me by telling me how cute I am to be dark. I never hated my skin, but I grew up in a community where complexion mattered and I just "went with it" not knowing that it was a real issue until I became an adult. I remember not getting a certain color nail polish because " I was too dark". That has all come to an end, I will simply choose a nail color because I like it. Moving forward I have decided I am dismissing all unwarranted negative energy pertaining to my melanin.
I encourage all women to love the skin you're in. It's unique and its tailored specifically to you. Educate yourself on what it means to love from within and talk to someone about your insecurities, be it a close friend or therapist. It is healthy to express how you feel and it is okay to not accept someone's insensitive compliment. Most importantly, it is okay to simply BE YOU! You are beautiful! No one has the right to decide if your complexion is good enough for pretty.
Go ahead, live out your God created identity according to Matthew 5:48. I believe in you!
XOXO
Krystal Cason
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