Forgiveness...
It took me an entire week to write this post on forgiveness. I had been hurt to my core and the thought of forgiving made me feel as though I was letting that individual get away free and clear, without acknowledging my pain. Since I carried the pain of emotional trauma, I was the one who started paying the penalty while desperately holding on to the hurt.
I posted a quote on Instagram last week and it said "letting go is hard but holding on for dear life is harder. Take a moment and think only of yourself." That moment of holding on for dear life lasted the whole week for me, until I decided that I can no longer carry the heavy weight of unforgiveness. It was by far toooooooo heavy.
Unforgiveness is like carrying around heavy baggage during a hot sunny day, without water and absolutely no breaks. It is designed to break you down mentally, emotionally and then physically. Has your heart ever felt so broken that you physically could feel your heart beating at a rapid pace? Yes, that was me! I am a girl who is very expressive when it comes to being open about how I feel. Sometimes, that can be misinterpreted as being "too sensitive". I consider myself to be a very forgiving person but there was a recent situation that challenged the forgiving side of me. I struggled to forgive, because I was hurt and felt like the other person could care less. I struggled to forgive, because I felt like I deserved an apology. I struggled to forgive, because the person never took ownership of the part they played in the situation and their silence crushed me to my core. You know it's one thing for someone to apologize, and it's a whole other thing for someone to just be silent and not say anything. When people are silent I liken that to a slap in the face, literally. Neither one feels good.
Sometimes, forgiveness simply starts with self. It is impossible to live a peaceful life while still carrying around hurt, guilt and shame. Being mad at this individual was not harming them but it was completely weighing me down. It caused me grief and sleepless nights full of tears. We have all heard the term "forgiveness is for you", but what does that actually mean?
I had to take a few intentional steps to completely forgive. Here is my advice to you if you are struggling to move forward in forgiving someone:
Own your pain - simply acknowledge that you are hurt.
Identify the root of your pain - why are you hurting and what can YOU do to move forward?
Let go and release the idea of receiving any kind of apology - this is a tough one because you deserve an apology. Trust me when I say I OVERstand! However, you must remember that you can only control your narrative. Sometimes, someone's silence is the only closure you will get. When someone is silent in regards to your pain, it is great indication that they do not care about the damage they have caused. Yes, that hurts. Feel the pain and keep moving forward and do NOT look back. As you heal, this will start to make sense.
Be kind to yourself - sometimes sitting in your pain can spill over into other situations and that is okay. However, It is only okay when you remain aware that you are hurting and intentionally on the path to healing. When you are around those closest to you, it is easy to negatively lash out on them indirectly. It is then YOUR job to communicate with them what is really going on with you, so that they won't take it personal or become hurt by your pain. Yes, the saying is true "hurt people, hurt people".
Don't look back - in order to properly heal you can not rehearse the pain, over and over. You can't keep looking at all the reminders of "what happened". Delete the text thread, erase the pictures, unfollow on social media, change your number if you must. Whatever you do, please DO NOT LOOK BACK, you're not going that way!
PRAY - pray, pray, pray! Ask God to help you through this process because you can not do it alone. It's okay if your prayer is simply "Dear God, I don't know how to forgive". I promise you, God will work with whatever you bring, just as long as you come to Him.
Be patient with yourself and continue to heal on purpose. Do not ignore the pain, and if you need to, please schedule an appointment with a trusted therapist. Prayer and therapy works wonders. The only way you can continue your journey to wholeness is by forgiving no matter what. Yes, forgive them for everything and expect nothing from them in return.
Psalms 75:6-7 Forgive those who have wronged you; don’t wait for them to do you right; and redirect your expectations back towards God.
Go ahead, forgive! I believe in you!
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